Monday, October 22, 2007

Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate San Francisco

Sorry for the break in posting and no NFL picks for the week, I went up to San Francisco to cheer on some friends running a marathon. The trip reminded me why I hate San Francisco, and every smug, dirty, smelly, Barry Bonds loving, patchouli oil smelling hippie that lives in San Francisco, along with many other city factors and features that make me dislike it.





First, I'll go over the things I DO like, just so this isn't a completely and utterly one-sided. For starters, I do like that it looks and feels like a big city, with the big buildings, the views, and the overall buzz. I like Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, the cable cars, the architecture (for the most part), most of the parks, the bridges, Alcatraz, and Union Square. So yes, there are definitely things to like about the city, and it possesses a few redeeming qualities.

Now onto the list.


10. The lack of parking. Understandable for a big city, but still annoying nonetheless. It hinders anything you want to go out and do, and if you don't want to pay an astronomical price for parking, then you walk. Which leads to #9....


9. The freaking hills. Yes it is part of the "charm" of the city, but the absolutely suck. Sometimes it really seems like everywhere you go is uphill. When there are stairs in the sidewalk, that's a problem. "But after you go up, there's always the downhill". Yeah, there is. But downhills suck and ruin your knees because you are constantly jamming them into the ground to keep yourself from rolling down the steepest hill of your life.



8. The way that the people don’t know how to negotiate a sidewalk or any other public space. In cities like New York people use eye contact to determine right-of-way, and never stop dead in their tracks without looking behind them. I know that you're thinking, "well they're probably the tourists". Yeah, probably, but it's still going on in the city, and people just seem to be retarded and not know how to walk on the sidewalk.


7. The driving is ridiculous. If it isn't a one way street, it's a freaking bus only lane, or a no left turn sign. The hills are terrible and do a number on your brakes, and don't even get me started on the assholes who think it's OK to drive a stick shift in the city, and then roll back 30 feet before the get started. Even worse than driving yourself is.....



6. The cab drivers. If they actually know where you want to go, they take you in an ass-backwards direction that leads to more traffic and a costlier ride. If (and when) they don't know where to go, they ask if you have a map or just drop you off "near" where they think you want to go. Shouldn't there be some kind of map test for taxi drivers, or maybe a freaking GPS so you don't even have to know a lick about the city.


5. The smug, self-satisfied attitude of residents who are convinced that they live the greatest city in the world. These are the same people who claim to love the environment, then commute to jobs in San Jose, or other hypocritical things.


4. Giants fans and Barry Bonds, a match made in heaven..... Who better to root for an arrogant, self-absorbed steroid-abusing asshole, than San Franciscans! Their undying love for a man that everyone else in the universe utterly despises, has to say something about the fan base. They come up with excuses for him, say they don't care, act as if it will all go away in a few years if they just don't talk about it, but have the nerve to be complete douche bags at all times, regardless of the score. The smug attitude of everyone in the city carries over into the ballpark, as all they can talk about is how great the freaking stadium is. Who cares?? It's not that good, and the Giants suck, get over it.



3. It's amazing how shitty certain parts of the city are, and how close the not-so-shitty areas are to the shitty ones. Every major city has its bad areas, but walk 10 blocks in San Francisco and it goes from millionaire's' houses, to crack houses and drug deals, to a middle class area. And they all have their own little name for the each district, even if it's only like a two block radius. It's like a superiority complex as to where in the city and what tiny little district you live in, be it the Castro district, the Tenderloin, Pacific Heights, or Nob Hill, everyone seems to base their self worth on where they are. Speaking of shitty areas....




2. The freaking bums are out of control in San Francisco. No less than 5 on each block, homeless people flock to San Francisco like the swallows of Capistrano. They are everywhere, and you are constantly being harassed by homeless people. I don't understand why San Francisco is the bum Mecca, maybe it's the liberalness or whatever, but pretty soon they will out number everyone else, and the whole city will be one big bum fest, if not for the......



1. Goddamn Hippies! Much like Eric Cartman, I hate hippies of all shapes and sizes. It's not the 60's anymore, so stop pretending to be some kind of "free thinker" who conforms to the same dress and hippie-speak as everyone else. Hippies nowadays have very little political activism or philosophical edge to them at all, and tend to get nothing accomplished, other than pissing everyone else off. Normal college hippies who wear Phish patches on their backpacks and hold a picket sign once or twice like to call themselves hippies, but I'm not talking about just plain old liberal people here, I'm talking about white, smelly, tie-dyed wearing, hemp necklaced, dread-locked, drug-pushing hippies who live in their hippie commune known as San Francisco. I understand that hippies are really nothing more than kids finding a clique like goths or athletes, but they are the worst kind, because of the utter stupidity of them. How about those hippies who climbed up the trees at Cal and tried to saved them from being cut down, when the plan was to plant 3 trees for every 1 cut down. Great idea hippie, live in a tree for the rest of your life. Please hippies, just get out of the way and stop fighting for nothing more than faux-causes.








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