The Ultimate Mooch

So Jessica Alba announced this week that she's been knocked up. She's a craptastic actress and her entire career is based on the fact that she's ridiculously hot and has a bangin' body, so why NOT ruin it by getting pregnant? Honestly, how do these things happen?! I mean, seriously, do people in Hollywood not understand how birth control works?! An inordinate amount of those idiots seem to end up producing bastard babies that come back to haunt us after 20 years with their 'Look at me! I have no skills! Weeeeeeee!' attitudes and their shitty fragrance lines.



"I've got you my pretty...hahahahahahahahaha!"

At least in the case of Jessica Alba I think I know what happened. I'm no Nancy Drew but I'm pretty sure that Cash Warren must have poked some holes in his condoms or replaced her birth control pills with aspirin or PROMISED to pull out. Kevin Federline wrote the book on how to mooch off of a rich bitch for the rest of your life and you can bet your ass Cash has read every word. Hats off to you sir. This is how the game of life is won.